I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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