I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize