hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
