Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
and she was petting her beer can
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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