My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
