your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
