YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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