found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
