just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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