bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
