smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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