im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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