WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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