you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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