I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
