so explain again why im purple
no
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
