I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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