All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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