it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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