i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
