I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
