i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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