Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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