Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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