and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize