$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I checked into jail on foursquare
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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