I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
