Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
did you just send me my own nude
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
