I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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