I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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