i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
