So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
