she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vagina is very pro this idea
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
