My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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