BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
