I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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