Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
where are you?
Hypothermia
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
