he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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