dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
