if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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