So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
