Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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