upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
