all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
