I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
