btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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