why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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