No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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