its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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