After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
