I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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