Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
