he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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