Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
