just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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