i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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