why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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