Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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