I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
