my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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