I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
