from now on my penis is your penis
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
