As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
