Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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