dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
