just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You left your underwear on the fireplace
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
