My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
