i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
