Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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