I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
