There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
