i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You can't special order awesome
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
