Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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