i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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