Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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