I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
