my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
