All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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