if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to make out with him forever
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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