someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
