idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
