once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
