I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
