My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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