did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
