oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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