This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
