angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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