If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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