That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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