Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize