just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
