She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
